Joe Unit 20X6

Real Name: Joe

Aliases: Mannercleas Pimpstallion, Brawley O'McFinnigan, Seosamh O'Carey, That one guy, Maxamillion Thunderpants, the terror that quacks in the night, The single most influential person to ever happen to anything, The kid who pushed the handicapped kid's wheelchair over in the third grade.

Known Relatives: Johnny Cash (Great Uncle), Mr. T (Third cousin), Ireland (who can keep track), Christopher Lloyd (Marriage counselor, presumed deceased.)

History: The original Joe's first appeared as Skeletor's pesky young neighbor to his Snake Mountain home. Acting as a sort of Denis the Menace to the scourge of Eternia, Joe would light flaming bags of Battle Cat's crap on Skeletor's doorstep, ring the doorbell and hide in the bushes to watch the hilarity ensue. Skeletor would eventually kill him for this.

Years later Joe mysteriously returned and his presence was made aware by the Dean of the University after many shenanigans were taking place hindering his plans to poison the local orphanage and steal their gold. Panty raids and sprinklers systems going off not on schedule were becoming more frequent around campus. The Dean also suspected somebody was drinking directly from the milk carton, how these event's actually hindered anything at all is still in question. Regardless the Dean put his connections into play and singled out the elusive culprit, who was in fact Joe. Acting immediately the Dean sent out a squad of Cavity Creeps to deal with Joe, who wasn't even a student at the University. The Creeps returned in defeat a short time later, stating Joe just hit them in the face with a brick before going back to feeding baby ducks at the pond. The Dean figuring the baby ducks might need to be dealt with in order to lure Joe away, consulted his head scientist Bill Nye on how to dispose of ducks, who in returned introduced the Dean to the concept of guns. Sending another squad of Cavity Creeps armed with guns to deal with the baby ducks, the squad was met by adult ducks who stood in their way by hissing and puffing up their feathers. Unsure if the guns would work on adult ducks, the two forces stood at a standstill. Joe got mildly irritated at the sight of this, grabbed his brick and headed straight for the Dean's office. Kicking the door open Joe b-lined for the Dean with his brick hand readying for the strike. Bill Nye dove in the way taking the hit for the Dean, giving him time to spin backwards in his chair fast enough and disappear in time. Noticing a sandwich on the Dean's desk Joe ate it remembering his love of sandwiches, unaware it had mayonnaise. Joe's deep disgust of mayonnaise kicked in after realizing he consumed it causing him to die.

Sometime later a scientist was looking for the perfect brain patterns to incorporate into the body of the original android Human Torch. Settling for Joe's, he downloaded Joe's mind into the body. Unaware that seeking revenge the Dean switched time displaced bodies of the Human Torch shortly before Kang did the same thing when Ultron was making the Vision. You know what, time travel. They are all there now somehow.

Joe returned as Joe Unit 2.0 and traveled the Dakotas with an independent wrestling promotion as one half of the tag team, Scrapper and Thug. The team was billed to compete for the tag team championship one night but on the way to the ring The Dean reappeared from the time stream. The Dean attempted to take out Joe but missed the attack and shoved his tag team partner off of the entrance ramp, spraining Scrapper's ankle. Demanding retribution Thug (Joe) earned himself a match for the Intercontinental TV title against Batman, who was being managed by The Dean at the Thunderocolypse '95 pay-per-view. The two battled each other in an epic match and after seventeen minutes Thug (Joe) delivered his infamous throat jab fallowed by his patented kidney punch. This set him up to execute the Kaiser Blade, his tag team partner Scrapper's finishing move on Batman amidst the roaring fans. Scoring the pin fall victory and the mid-card title belt Thug (Joe) defeated Batman clean much the way Deathstroke did in Deathstoke: The Terminator issue #7 and twice more in Detective Comics #710. A livid The Dean argued with the referee as Thug (Joe) pulled out his brick and attempted to attack The Dean. He missed however and hit the referee as The Dean spun backwards again and re-entered the time stream. Joe 2.0 was fired for the incident and died shortly after from an infected paper cut that he didn't get looked at.

The next Joe Unit, Joe Unit X-51 would be put into production somehow and sent to Florida to do stuff. When George W. Bush was wrongfully elected President, God got pissed at Florida for their incompetent vote counts and sent hurricanes to destroy the place. Joe Unit had no part in the voting having arrived after the fact and would have gladly ignored the hurricanes except they caused his power to go out. Slightly less than angry Joe walked up to the hurricanes and proceeded to tell them to sit down and go make him a sandwich. They didn't. So Joe fought them to a standstill until angry at the prospect of no sandwich he decided to leave since Florida is pretty gay without any air conditioning. The hurricanes feeling the fight caused enough damage they dispersed as well. Joe Unit -51 died after stepping in front of a speeding truck not realizing he can't become intangible just because he decided he could.

Joe Units would continue to be rebuilt, resurrected and die again in times to come in ways I really don't feel like spending the time to write about. The current Joe Unit, series 20X6, resides in Bellingham, Washington and works at The Comics Place pushing lead figures, recommending comic books and fending off attacks from The Dean and other enemies he has made along the way. Sometimes doing good, not usually on purpose or even aware.

Recommended Reads:Terry Moore's Echo, Dark Tower series (novels and comics), The Boys, Walking Dead, X-Force, Usagi Yojimbo, Thor, War of Kings, Fables